Office of the Mayor · City of New York
Official Municipal Bedtime Waiver
Get your official Knicks playoff bedtime waiver.
The Mayor really did repeal bedtime so the kids could watch the Finals. So we did the only sensible thing and notarized it. Type your name (yes, grown-ups are claiming it too), the bedtime you're voiding, and your exhibit of devotion — we'll swear it into a stern municipal waiver, stamped, sealed, and valid until elimination or the trophy, whichever comes first.
Recently issued
...WHEREAS the petitioner has submitted, as Exhibit A: "cried at the Game 6 buzzer, on the 6 train, in front of strangers" — which the City finds sufficient, moving, and frankly more than it asked for... valid until elimination or the Larry O'Brien Trophy, whichever comes first — and after twenty-seven years the City will not be the one to jinx it.
That MOM, hereinafter "the Wide-Awake," is hereby RELIEVED of the bedtime heretofore observed at 10 PM like a responsible adult... Adults invoking this Waiver on their own behalf are advised that the City sees them, understands them, and has issued one for itself as well.
§. This Waiver extends no comfort or recognition to supporters of the Brooklyn Nets, the New York Mets, or any franchise the petitioner could presently defeat at its own sport. SO ORDERED, with a full heart and one eye on the standings.
A joke. The headline is not. Look it up.